Zen and the Art of Puppy Training

Lost your religion? Need some time to get grounded, find your inner spirit and reconnect with nature? Get a puppy.

While it might not seem the most obvious of choices, there’s nothing like getting a puppy, or any new pet for that matter, that challenges the strongest of character. Even the most confident, peaceful and calm personalities will be shaken and stirred by the very basics of puppy training. Case in point:

We got a sweet, fluffy, doe-eyed puppy in July. “Plenty of time to get it trained before the start of school,” I told myself as we gleefully, and dare I say, naively, toted our puppy home to see its new digs. “How hard can it be? I’ve potty-trained two children … piece of cake,” I thought.

This was before I faced the endless nights of whining, moaning and whimpering. This was prior to exploring the wee hours of twilight outside, blindly walking this new being around on a leash while grumbling, “Go potty! Hurry up!”

“Why, God, did I choose this? Why did I impose an impossible task upon myself, right when I was finally getting my youngest off to first grade? Have I lost my ever-loving mind?” These conversations I’ve had aplenty. I’ve also conversed with Mother Nature, the goddess of dog whispering, and any other higher power that might possibly hold the key to taming this tiny beast that has inhabited my psyche.

I’ve had sleepless nights pondering earth-shattering issues, like: What is the most effective word that will clue this puppy into actually relieving herself outside, instead of on my kitchen floor? Tinkle? Potty? Poo-poo and pee-pee? Whiz? Does it matter? And do I really need to use my baby voice, because it just makes me feel awkward.

I’ve searched my soul during endless hours spent walking this dog, trying to figure out my insatiable need to bring into our home and spend countless dollars on this little bitty fluffball that makes our hearts melt. Couldn’t I have just bought a stuffed animal, or better yet, a zoo membership?

Are the smiles on my children’s faces worth the endless, mind-numbing trips to pet stores reading puppy food ingredients and differentiating dog shampoos and flea treatments? And does having a pink versus brown doggy bed make a difference in the world as we know it?

These are the challenges, the endless questions that burn holes in my mind at night. Not to mention the deep conversations I have within my brain that test my convictions. Patience, kindness and love … all of these things you must have to take on a pet. Yet I so often feel frustration, impatience and disgust. Do you KNOW what kinds of things can come out of such a little body? And it’s not like she’s ever going to, you know, help vacuum as she gets older, or clean the dishes off the table after dinner. What’s the pay off?

Well, I have yet to answer most of my burning questions. But I am trying to embrace my before-sunrise doggy duties as a chance to find inner peace, to get in touch with the goodness in my heart that is so often shrouded with sarcasm and sleep-deprivation. Dog lovers keep telling me that it will be all worth it. My children are sure we’ve made the right choice. Me? I’m not yet sure. Ask me after I’ve had a chance to get a good night’s sleep.