Weather forecasters: ‘And now, here’s a guess at the weather.’

Editor’s Note: Ron Tuthill is one of our newest monthly columnists for the “atGeist Community Newsletter.”

Remember when you could get the weather on the news in about 30 seconds?“High today was 72. Tomorrow look for a little rain. High should be about 74. Rain should clear up by afternoon.”

There were reasons for a short weather forecast. First, how long do viewers want to watch the sun on TV? Second, how many interesting ways can you explain “hot” or “cold?” Third, how long could you look at a guy who gets excited about barometric pressure?

But, somewhere along the line, it was decided that people should know a lot more about the weather. “High today was 72. Let me tell you why that was. Conditions 6,000 miles from here started doing this 8 days ago and that made this happen 4,000 miles away 6 days ago, and that made . . .” AAARRRRGH!

Just give us your weather predictions! We don’t want an education on the finer points of meteorology. We want to know what we should wear tomorrow and if we should call in sick!

When we go to a restaurant, we just want to eat our meal. We don’t want to hear how the cow was fed, selected, and butchered. “Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s beef comes from Homer’s Meat Packing Facilities. They raise their own beef on Kentucky Blue grass, oats and something called protein FX-17CHEMICALS. Protein FX-17CHEMICALS is actually toxic to humans in its purest form. But, the cows love it just fine, and it is approved for use by the FDA. It makes the beef less fatty and gives it a rich, almost buttery flavor. It also deadens the nerve endings of the animal to make its termination more humane. Enjoy your meal.”

Reporting the conditions that caused the weather we just had is the weatherman’s way of saying, “I am a meteorologist. I know about weather. Aren’t our computer graphics cool? And, this is why my forecast yesterday was wrong.”

The reason they start their reports this way is to fool the viewer into thinking that they know so much about weather, surely they can tell us what it will be tomorrow.

Interestingly enough, with all the Doppler radars that track the speed, position and amount of moisture in the air, with all the ASOS weather stations, and with all the computer technology, weather forecasters still cannot guarantee the weather. Why? Because, unlike the Cubs chances for a world series title this year, the weather is unpredictable. So, while weather forecasters will do their best, they can only give you their best guess. That is why they’re called “forecasters.” By definition, they are “predictors” of the weather – not unlike a fortune-teller or soothsayer.

“I see … a lot of sun in our future tomorrow. I feel … heat … a lot of heat. Yes… it is becoming clear now. A sunny, hot day. Maybe … as hot as … 85 – 90 degrees. But wait. Moisture is forming on my crystal ball. This may mean that… rain … yes, rain is possible. Be warned. Wear cool clothes, but take along an umbrella.” I could live with that.

Have you ever heard a weather person apologize for an incorrect forecast, or say he was wrong, or that tomorrow’s weather is his “best guess” — and do it in less than 60 seconds? If you have, stick with him. He is truly the cloud with the silver lining.

Look, I know the weather is hard to forecast. Is it partly cloudy or partly sunny? Is it high in the low 70’s, or low in the high 70’s? Is it less filling or does it taste great? You guys have a tough job. Let’s just try to cut back on the time it takes to tell the public what it really wants to hear, and be a little more humble … or a lot more accurate.

Next month’s column: Partly funny with a chance of a laugh or two.