‘Tails’ from the Average Guy™ Mailbag

By Ron Tuthill -

As the average guy, I’m assuming what I get in the mail isn’t any more extreme than most of you. And probably like you, there are some things I receive in the mail that leave me scratching my head.

For instance … If anyone were to walk up to you and ask you to define a “Brazilian Butt Lift” would you say it was:

• A. a WWF move used by the “South American Death Devil” to force opponents into submission
• B. a weightlifting move used in international body-building competition
• C. a gymnastics move on the balance beam for style points, named after a famous gymnast from Brazil
• D. cosmetic surgery for one’s derriere

My guess would be “C”. And, of course, I would be wrong.

I received a flyer in the mail for plastic surgery introducing the “Brazilian Butt Lift.” My first thoughts were, “What is a “butt lift?” and, “Why is it named after a country?” Are there other countries known for their butt lifts? Is it better than, let’s say, an “American Butt Lift” or a Japanese, Italian or Pakistani butt lift? Could you combine countries and get a North Korea/South Korea butt lift?

Anyway, the flyer shows the bottom half of a woman in tight green underwear showing off her thighs and buttocks.  I must say that while nice, looking at the picture, I saw nothing to suggest Brazil or any other South American country.  Although, green is the dominant color in Brazil’s country flag.

Also, it’s interesting that it notes the model shown is “Not an actual patient.”  That in itself suggests to me that this particular butt-lifting, plastic surgeon has yet to master the “Brazilian butt-lift” procedure.

And if that wasn’t scary enough, included in the tiny print is: “Results may vary.” Does that mean you can go in for a “Brazilian Butt Lift” and end up with a lesser country butt lift – say a Bolivian or Peruvian Butt Lift? How disappointing would that be?

I’d like to hear from anyone out there who knows what a “Brazilian Butt Lift” is – or, better yet, anyone who has had this procedure done. What does it look like?  Do you have to buy special pants?  Are you able to speak another language?

I think in the end, the bottom-line as it were, I don’t know that any kind of butt-lift is better than just lifting your butt off the couch, putting down the chips and soda, and taking a 30-minute walk.

Butt, I’m just the average guy.  What do I know?