Playing the game or playing the crowd — “Am I great, or what!”

Remember the days as kids when we made the catch to save the game in the last inning, hit the jump-shot to win the game, outran everyone for a touchdown, and your mother yelling from the back door that it was supper-time? In the backyard, we were Gale Sayers, Jim Brown, Lynn Swan, Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, Bart Star and Dick Butkus. On the driveway, we were Jerry West, John Havlecik, Oscar Robertson, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson. In the sand lot, we were Willie Mays, Ernie Banks, Roger Maris, Mickey Mantle or Sandy Koufax. We watched and admired these great athletes every weekend because they played the game better than anyone else. They had their own styles of play, drive and determination, and attitude that you wanted to emulate.

The greats were known and noticed because they were exceptional players. You expected great things from them because they were always giving you great things. They worked hard and were committed to the games they played. They were dependable team players who focused on the game.

Today, we still have great players giving us great plays. But, we have something else that is not so great. It is an unattractive and unprofessional display of self-expression, or rather, self-promotion. It has greatly affected the young athletes at levels from sandlot to college. It has grown over the years to such a degree that many fans become angry and nauseated when they see it.

Of course, I am talking about H.A.M.

The HOW-ABOUT-ME attitude is a self-promoting, unsportsmanlike display, with the intent to tell everyone that is watching, both spectators and players, that “I AM GREAT!”

We’ve all seen it. It seems like every play anymore has to have some H.A.M. thrown in. It’s so commonplace that the other day while watching the Peter Jackson version of King Kong, I couldn’t help thinking that King Kong, roaring with his mouth wide open and thumping his chest, looked like he just dunked a basketball or made a tackle. And I didn’t even know that giant gorillas played basketball or football!

H.A.M. started long ago by a single player, maybe two, who celebrated their performance after a truly phenomenal play. We wrote if off as youthful, over-exuberance for something that just doesn’t happen every day from this athlete. But it has digressed into an integral and expected behavior. Even the rules of the games have been changed to accommodate H.A.M. You now need to carry a firearm or commit a misdemeanor on the field to get a flag for unsportsmanlike behavior.

It’s become something that all those wanting to play in the professional arena must deal with. In addition to working on their athletic skills, players have to have a few H.A.M. moves to show the scouts. Sound ridiculous? Last year, the No. 3 draft pick in the NFL dropped to a 4^th round pick because he had no H.A.M. moves. Another player lost two years and a signing bonus on his contract because his H.A.M. moves failed to get noticed on ESPN.

Somewhere along the way, the professional sports associations decided that arrogant, unsportsmanlike conduct was good for the sport. After all, it’s the backbone of one of the greatest, most popular sports of all time — professional wrestling. We’ve all seen the wrestlers pound their chests, raise their fists in the air and pander to the crowd. All the while, the person on the mat gets up and takes the boastful wrestler down. The crowd loves this stuff because the arrogant “victor” gets his butt kicked.

I must admit. I do enjoy an arrogant person getting humbled by being taken down a notch.

It’s somehow satisfying to watch a player make an average play and display the H.A.M. of “I CAN’T BE BEAT!” Then on the very next play … he gives up a score. I think when that happens, a replay should be run of the H.A.M. — immediately followed by the scoring play on the same person.

The amount of H.A.M. outbreaks show that this epidemic of extreme self-expression is beyond control. To such severity is this attitude that many players today are performing mammal-mating ritual impressions for doing the littlest of things: i.e. making a tackle that should have been made, making a catch that should have been caught, hitting one nice jump-shot out of three, or putting his shoes on the right feet.

Of course, for those of us who remember a simpler, more professional time, H.A.M. didn’t exist. And when H.A.M. was displayed, it usually drew a flag for unsportsmanlike conduct. So, why do players feel compelled to act like members of the World Wrestling Federation after making a good play?

Perhaps, it’s as simple as being in front of a lot of people and wanting to be recognized as a professional athlete. A pro career can be a relatively short one, and many a professional athlete wants to be remembered.

“You remember HIM. Don’t you?”

“No. Not really.”

“You’re kidding right?! He played for the Cowboys!”

“Sorry. What position did he play?”

“Uh, I’m not sure. But he was on the offensive team.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Wait a minute. I know you’ll remember him now. He did that dance-like thing whenever he thought he did something good!”

“Which dance? The ‘ostrich-in-heat’ thing?”

“No, that was the other guy. This guy did the ‘I-walk-like-this-when-I-sit-down-on-a-cactus’ move.”

“Oh, yeah. Didn’t he take his helmet off and pose like the Hulk when he did that?”

“No, you’re thinking of the guy on the Steelers.”

Or, maybe it has to do with marketability. The H.A.M. dances and moves help a player stand out — many times not unlike an inflamed zit at the end of a nose. The hope of all “HAMmers” is that this behavior will increase their market value for companies to invest. If that’s the case, one suggestion I have is to allow the player to be a billboard for companies willing to pay the highest price to have their logo or slogan on the players’ uniforms.

Announcers would have to state the company brand with the players’ stats:

• “And now, introducing the Redwsings, sponsored by Bennie’s Meat Packing Plant in downtown Detroit.”

• “That shot was made by the Celtics power forward, who starts each day with a HOT POCKET®, Bacon and Cheese burrito!”

• “It looks like there’s a Cubs player injured. This player and all players on the Chicago Cubs team understand that unexpected injuries and medical expenses can ruin a career or lifestyle. That’s way they are insured by BlueCross/ BlueShield.”

• “The quarterback is dropped on a blitz by the Colt’s linebacker, who at 255 lbs. has also dropped two belt sizes and 29 lbs with NutriSystem®.”

Or maybe, it has to do with a player’s confidence. Athletes must be confident in their abilities, knowing they are the best going into a game. Perhaps these dances and H.A.M. expressions are actually ways of expressing confidence to the point of even challenging the opposition. Being this blatantly exhibitionist to the point of taunting might be an athlete’s way of continually challenging himself, thereby heightening his intensity and concentration, and that of his teammates.

Naaah!

Of course, H.A.M. has made it way down to anyone playing any sport at any level.

• The soccer team of 8 and 9-year olds I coached last year spent the first few minutes getting acquainted by comparing H.A.M. moves and exchanging creative ways to taunt players after scoring.
• While at a family reunion, my 5-year-old nephew got in my grandmother’s face for winning the “egg on the spoon” race.
• Playing a card game with our neighbors, Louise trumped my lead by slamming her card and fist on the table, pointing her finger in my face, and saying, “Is that all you got?!”

Unfortunately, it appears that H.A.M. is here to stay. The days of letting your performance speak for itself are gone. So as we watch our favorite sports professionals, we might as well just sit back, get something to drink and plan on having a little H.A.M. with the game.