http://atgeist.com/blog/holidays-and-children-of-divorce/ The Geist Reservoir Community Portal Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:44:09 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://atgeist.com/blog/holidays-and-children-of-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-9511 Donna F. Ferber, LPC Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:34:34 +0000 http://atgeist.com/?p=5018#comment-9511 Helping children cope with Christmas-Part two 6. Don’t compete. If he can afford more than you – fine. Rather than resenting his/her father, appreciate that your child can experience things you can’t buy him. . Make memories by doing fun things together . Money does not buy love. 7.The new girlfriend/boyfriend cannot and will not take your place. Children are unbelievably loyal. The title and honor of parent is yours and will be only yours, forever. Relax. Deal with your jealousy without making your kid responsible for your feeling threatened. This is simply not the job of the child. 8.Divorce is the severing of the adult relationship and should not be the termination of the parent-child relationship, no matter how much you really can’t stand him/her. If your child is not in harm’s way, the relationship needs to continue. This is the CHILD’s right. 9.Lastly, remember that you are the adult. Suck up your anger toward your ex and make the holidays wonderful for your kids. Adapted from Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce © Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC 2005, 2009. Helping children cope with Christmas-Part two
6. Don’t compete. If he can afford more than you – fine. Rather than resenting his/her father, appreciate that your child can experience things you can’t buy him. . Make memories by doing fun things together . Money does not buy love.
7.The new girlfriend/boyfriend cannot and will not take your place. Children are unbelievably loyal. The title and honor of parent is yours and will be only yours, forever. Relax. Deal with your jealousy without making your kid responsible for your feeling threatened. This is simply not the job of the child.
8.Divorce is the severing of the adult relationship and should not be the termination of the parent-child relationship, no matter how much you really can’t stand him/her. If your child is not in harm’s way, the relationship needs to continue. This is the CHILD’s right.
9.Lastly, remember that you are the adult. Suck up your anger toward your ex and make the holidays wonderful for your kids.
Adapted from Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce
© Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC 2005, 2009.

]]> http://atgeist.com/blog/holidays-and-children-of-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-9510 donna ferber, LPC Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:33:00 +0000 http://atgeist.com/?p=5018#comment-9510 Children, Divorce & the Holidays: Reducing Stress 1.Money, gifts, sweets and indulging don’t “make up” for anything. Most kids say the dual holidays are the best thing about being a divorced kid. 2. If possible, make your plans with your ex-spouse ahead of time and stick to them. Let kids make only age appropriate decisions. Let your kids be kids. 3. Be flexible. It means that S—T happens. So if your ex is two hours late because of an ice storm or because cousin Joey showed up late, try to let it go. 4.Keep your anger, resentment, annoyance, disgust about your ex, his sports car, his girlfriend, his family, to yourself. Remember, your kids are part of both of you and when you slam him, your child feels slammed as well. 5.Do not make your children responsible for your happiness. “Go have a good time with Dad in Jamaica, while I sit here miserable and all alone,” only breeds resentment and guilt in your child. Adapted from Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce © Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC 2005, 2009. Children, Divorce & the Holidays: Reducing Stress
1.Money, gifts, sweets and indulging don’t “make up” for anything. Most kids say the dual holidays are the best thing about being a divorced kid.
2. If possible, make your plans with your ex-spouse ahead of time and stick to them. Let kids make only age appropriate decisions. Let your kids be kids.
3. Be flexible. It means that S—T happens. So if your ex is two hours late because of an ice storm or because cousin Joey showed up late, try to let it go.
4.Keep your anger, resentment, annoyance, disgust about your ex, his sports car, his girlfriend, his family, to yourself. Remember, your kids are part of both of you and when you slam him, your child feels slammed as well.
5.Do not make your children responsible for your happiness. “Go have a good time with Dad in Jamaica, while I sit here miserable and all alone,” only breeds resentment and guilt in your child.
Adapted from Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce
© Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC 2005, 2009.

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