Closed 24 Hours

Dick Wolfsie

Two of my favorite TV series, 24 and Law & Order, will end this season, forever. While I have been a faithful viewer of both, I have mixed feelings about their demise.

The truth is, I found 24 very depressing. Not because of all the torture, killing and terrorist activity, but because the show made me realize how little I really get done in an average day compared to some people. I’m usually content with gulping a few of cups of coffee, responding to emails and paying utility bills. That’s it, I’m pooped. Where’s the hammock?

That’s why I found the show a little unrealistic. After watching all 24 episodes, I noticed that no one ever took a nap. Jack Bauer has a granddaughter in this series, and I don’t think it’s believable that Grandpa could spend all day Tuesday saving the free world and not put his head down on the pillow for just a few minutes.

Unlike Law & Order where cops are always munching on Nathan’s hot dogs in Central Park or scarfing down take-out Chinese at the local precinct, the government agents on 24 are never seen with even a cup of coffee. The Counter Terrorist Unit spent millions on state-of-the-art computer technology, but I’m telling you there’s not one coffee machine in the entire place. Maybe there’s a Starbucks nearby. I hope so. These people have been up all night.

My personal experience growing up near Manhattan differs from that of the 24 characters who apparently get anywhere in the city in three minutes or less. No matter where the terrorists are hiding out, the good guys are just an AFLAC commercial away. As a kid, I lived just 14 miles from LaGuardia Airport. If my family had a flight on Tuesday, we left late Monday afternoon, just in case we hit traffic.

In a recent episode of 24, the president’s Chief of Staff has a heart attack and is rushed to the hospital. In the next show, he’s just fine, walking around griping about the hostiles. But wait, it’s not the next week. It’s supposed to be 25 minutes later. I hope the WellPoint and Anthem folks didn’t see that miraculous recovery. Call me old-fashioned, but a major cardiac event should qualify for an overnight stay.

I did learn something about bombs from this series. The scum who design them always include a beeping digital display of the time remaining before the explosion, providing important feedback for those disarming the device. The wires also have different colors for easy deactivation. Who says bad guys are inconsiderate?

And one thing about Law & Order. How is it that when the cops go to question or arrest a bad guy, he’s always home? What kind of killer sits in his living room every night watching cable TV? And when the low-life answers the door, his girlfriend emerges from the bedroom to see what’s going on. Then this thug yells at her to get back and mind her own business. It’s bad enough that the guy is murdering people; does he have to bad mouth the little woman, as well? And you wonder why the divorce rate is so high in the criminal population.

By the way, Lost is also going off the air. It was on Tuesdays at 9:00 p.m. That’s the only thing about that show I’m really sure of.