Soft Sell Guy
I’m a sucker for anything that might make me a better husband, so when an email appeared in my inbox with the subject: WHAT WOMEN WANT, you can be sure I clicked on it. I knew there was a chance this was an ad for something embarrassing (enough said), but there was also the possibility [...]
Keep Your Chin Up
Surveys show that most people hate at least one part of their body. I’m not happy with my ears, for example. I think they stick out more than they should. My wife says I’m crazy and to be that obsessed with my own looks makes me appear very elfish. I think [...]
My Life Saving
Would you like to save $14,450? You can, claims the Entertainment book, chock-full of good deals, brimming with coupons, awash in discounts. For a cheap person like me, it’s my savior.
My wife advised me not to pay $25.00 for the annual publication. She claimed we’d never use the coupons—and if we did, we’d either [...]
No Bones About It
I’ve never had a good relationship with my left knee. Our problems together started back in college with a traumatic football injury. I was watching the homecoming game and my entire leg became wedged in the bleachers when I was trying to get a better look at one of the cheerleaders. Things have not been [...]
Perfect Record
My wife is the most honest person I have ever met. My own honesty is a bit questionable, which kind of makes you wonder just how true that statement about my wife is. I don’t want to get sidetracked, but in a college philosophy class 30 years ago, a little conundrum like that one put [...]
Asleep in Europe
Sleeping has always been a problem for me. Not napping. I’m a wizard at napping, as I have reported before in this column. But sleeping. Like in my own bed. Like for six to eight hours. I’m just not very good at it. Never was.
No one sleeps better on a bus or [...]
Pack Lady
My wife Mary Ellen has a walk-in closet, but this evening she walked in at 7 p.m. and didn’t come out until midnight. Another few minutes and it would have become a sleep-in closet.
You see, the Wolfsies are planning a mid-summer cruise and this is a ritual Mary Ellen goes through before every trip. She [...]
Sitting Pretty
What has happened to the art of sitting? People nowadays don’t just sit; they have to be involved in some activity like emailing, blogging, twittering, reading, or watching TV.
During this lovely summer, it’s something we should consider.
When I was a kid, people in my neighborhood sat on their front porch. Of course, this was New [...]
Time in a Bottle
We had never cleaned our kitchen pantry until this week. The fridge gets a good once-over every month when we wipe off the shelves and throw out any food item that has developed a green slime. I’ve had to toss out a lot of good guacamole dip based on this criterion.
As my wife started [...]
Clean Sweep
The other day, I received something interesting in the mail. It wasn’t an exotic postcard from Maui; it was a thank-you note for a recent purchase I had made.
Dear Mr. Wolfsie,
Thank you for buying a new Oreck. We hope it brings you many years of vacuuming pleasure. Please call us about hosting an Oreck party [...]
Washed Up
We were both afraid to go into the room. We walked back and forth in front of the door for several days, avoiding the inevitable. Things were piling up outside and I knew that we couldn’t hold out indefinitely. But I didn’t want to be first; nor did Mary Ellen.
Our son Brett was home from [...]
Stop, You’re Killing Me!
I was home working late one afternoon when the phone rang. My wife’s cell number popped up on my caller ID. “Hello, Mary Ellen?”
“I adore you.”
How odd. My wife is a loving person, but she is not given to romantic declarations on her way home from work. And yet, she added, “Sometimes I can’t get [...]
Letter Perfect
There should be a law. A law against having phone numbers that denote words instead of, well, numbers. Hello! Its a phone, not a phone word. I hosted a TV segment last week for a national organization that is dedicated to educating people about a common, but potentially serious, illness. Their phone [...]
35-30 or Fight
Have you seen my pants lately?
I mean my 35-30 pants. That’s not a brand name, like 501 jeans; that’s my size. Yes, I have a 35-inch waist and two 30-inch legs. Now you know.
I am not proud of this. I didn’t aspire to it (except when I was a 37). [...]
The Secret Word Is…
I received an email the other day from the college where I teach informing me that everyone on the faculty had to change the passwords we use to enter the university Website.
An independent consultant had determined that many of the terms we were using to log in were what they called “weak [...]
Phone Hex
It had probably been six or eight years since I bought a new phone. Not a cell phone, not an iPhone. Just a phone. This perplexed the 21-year-old at the office supply store.
“Let me understand this, Sir. You don’t want a phone for your pocket, a phone that sticks in your ear, [...]
A Slice of Life
Editor’s Note: Geist resident and TV personality Dick Wolfsie will be writing a monthly column for the “atGeist Community Newsletter” starting this month.
I don’t usually have my meals delivered up here in the Geist area.
My pizza restaurant of choice is only five minutes from the house, so it’s not a big deal. I figure that [...]
