Another Soul Lost to Facebook

Okay, I admit that I’m in the Dark Ages, technologically speaking. While my friends and colleagues are seasoned, mature techno-adults, I’m still wearing a gigabyte training bra. I have no idea why people Twitter, and I’ve never participated in a teleconference. I have no desire to have one more electronic gadget in my house, and no, I don’t even own a Wii.

So when my friends started giving me a hard time about not being on Facebook, well I resisted. I dug in my heels and reared back as hard as I could. I gritted my teeth and proclaimed, “No! Never!” as loud as I could.
But three weeks ago, I succumbed. Alas, I saw my solid resolve crumble like overdone toast as I deflected yet another accusation from a colleague, “You mean you still haven’t gotten on Facebook?”

One night, with a glass of wine as my companion, I created my account, filled out my profile, and entered the FB world of friends, photos and random thoughts. And I waited. Would I experience a magical state of euphoria? Would I feel somehow liberated, like I had shed a cloak of inhibition? And most importantly, would I open myself up to ex-boyfriends and strange co-workers that I’d long ago erased from my memory?

Within seconds, I began receiving a stream of “congratulations” – comments from close friends, giving me kudos for joining the 21st Century. And of course, how can you not feel somewhat warm and fuzzy when you receive a deluge of friendship invitations? It sort of made me feel like a prom queen, only without the sash and tiara.

Slowly I felt my confidence grow, and I thought, “Hey, I can do this!” I looked forward to checking out my homepage, looking to see if I had more invitations, and reading the random thoughts of others.

After a few more days, I bravely branched out, navigating around the friends’ profiles. I soon could spend hours randomly searching for names from my past …. an old high school friend here, a college roommate or an old boss there. Where are they now, do they still have hair, and do I really care?

But then someone asked me if I’d ever been “poked.” Poked? Like with a cattle prod? Do I need some sort of protective gear? I started to get a little scared.

Then I started receiving plants, which have something to do with preventing global warming. Huh? Do I have a nursery somewhere in cyberspace, and what if there’s something illegal growing in it? Can you get arrested for inappropriate vegetation on FB? These questions began to weigh heavily on my mind.

Next came whispering angels, tattoos, and random invitations to join various clubs or groups. I began to get nervous. I don’t have time for my own life, let alone membership in a “Save Gumby Now” organization. What was I to do?

I soon became obsessed, checking for new friendship invitations first thing in the morning, and winding down by reading the newsfeed before going to bed at night. I wasted hours conversing about politics, television shows and the daily habits of strangers. And more than once I wondered, “Have I made a mistake? Should I have let this alone?”

The bottom line is this: Facebook has become a part of my life, but I’m still not sure it’s a good thing. I’ve set limits, and I’ve been able to obtain a balance, although I’m not convinced it’s worth it. But I’ll give it some more time to see if I can be won over. In the meantime, do you want to be my friend?